Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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