i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
