i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
