Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
