she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
how does that bad decision feel?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
