How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize