i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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