remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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