yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
