you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
