2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
