Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
