I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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