just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize