I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize