even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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