There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
