You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
