Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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