I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
