oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
