I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
