You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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