I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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