what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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