That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize