he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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