can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
