i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
