i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
