One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
