Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
