I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
