You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
