I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
