He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
