Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
