i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
