My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
