i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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