Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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