i don't like sucking hair
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
