Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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