need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
