I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
