Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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