Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
