I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
