Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
