Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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