Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When are your genitals available?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
