Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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