HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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