I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
