I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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