She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
