I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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