You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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