my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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