your thong is hanging out like whoa
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
