She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
