I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
