you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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