drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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