my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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