Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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