I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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