woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
