you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need moral support for this bender
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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