He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
