Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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