It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
