DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
